How could anyone be both Christian and Republican? Jesus sure as Hell wouldn't have been a Republican, because he said feed the poor, heal the sick, and love your neighbor, remember? In case you're not paying attention, Republican policies fight viciously against feeding the poor ("those lazy bastards"), healing the sick ("screw Medicaid"), and loving our neighbors ("send all those disease-ridden criminals back").

If you haven't figured it out by now, Jesus was obviously a Socialist. And whether you're evolved enough to admit it or not, so are you (if you've ever used roads, or schools, or are okay with someone you love getting a Social Security check).

See? You're a Socialist, too. Just like Jesus. So don't feel so bad. It's actually a good thing. Maybe you'll realize it one day. I don't know, maybe you won't.